:)

“They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them” (Nehemiah 9:17)

For Today

Today this spoke straight to my heart. I hope that it blesses you as much as me.
http://www.wisdomhunters.com/

Complaint to Christ

“I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble.” Psalm 142:2

A heavy heart needs an outlet to express fears and frustrations. If this option is absent there is a loss of perspective and an extended stay in pain. It may be the weight of leadership sapping your joy and testing your trust. The death of a loved one may have sent you into a downward spiral of loneliness and loathing. Maybe you feel unappreciated and ignored to the point of painful rejection. Troubles need a trusted and safe outlet.

It is in these moments of madness that we need a safe place to share our soul. The more we bring our complaints before Christ, the less we will complain before men. We have permission to complain to God, but not about God. He collates our complaints and files them in our folder of faith. Christ patiently hears our protests like a caring and just judge.

“I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul” (Job 10:1).

Your heavenly Father wants to hear your troubles, not for His enlightenment, but for your engagement with Him. You reveal troubles to God, not that He may see them, but that you may see Him. Your trust in the Lord triumphs over troubles, as you proceed in the process of prayer. Persevere in prayer and you will pronounce your troubles insignificant in comparison to intimacy with Christ.

You will avoid the troubles that come with complaining to people, if you first complain to Christ. Don’t hold back because your complaint to Christ is your relief and recognition of Him. Christ’s care and love will move you from chronic complaining to authentic thanksgiving. Offer your complaints as a sacrifice to Christ, and He will burn away the dross of fear and anger, and replace them with His gift of peace and joy.

“Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy” (Psalm 64:1).

Indeed, look to the Lord as you linger in uncertain days. It is better to vent your frustrations to your heavenly Father, than for your soul to stew in bitterness. Complaints to Christ are your opportunity to come clean in your heart and to harness heaven’s hope. He listens, He loves, He understands, He consoles, He encourages and He gives grace. Pour out your heart to Him and He will fill your heart with His Holy Spirit’s comfort.

Jesus experienced this tension, “He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39, NKJV).

The thing about Joy...

It's been a while since I last posted, there is not much reason for this except that I have not had much to say.

It seems appropriate that God would be teaching me now about being thankful and rejoicing. For the last few weeks all I have heard is to rejoice and be thankful in everything. Sounds pretty simple...until you realize he means to be the same kind of thankful and joyful over the things that hurt and frustrate us as we are over the things that naturally brings a smile to our faces. As I have said before, in my short 24 years I have not experienced much real pain or suffering, but what I have experienced I know the things that are painful and seem to cripple me emotionally and spiritually definitely don't bring a joyful or thankful heart. It brings a doubting questioning heart. "Why me?" "What now?!" "Why not them?" These are incorrect responses... ;)
I read this in a newsletter I subscribe to called Wisdom Hunters http://wisdomhunters.com/
"Do not allow mistreatment or inequities to rob your joy. God will one day judge with equity. His days seem longer than ours, so be patient. Turn off the depressing songs of Satan. He is a joy killer. Reject His joyless tunes. Instead, tune in to your trustworthy Savior Jesus. Sing at the top of your lungs to the Lord. Sing the new song Christ has composed. His Holy Spirit harmonizes your life with joy and peace. So sing. Sing, for you are joyful for what He has done. Sing, for you are joyful for what He is doing. Sing, for you are joyful for what He will do. The coming judgment of Jesus brings joy to Jesus’s followers. Radically rejoice. Be joyful in Jesus."

I think that says it all.

For the Tough Days...

Lest you think that because of what was written in my last post that I have it all figured out...I wanted to write down some encouragement for the days that being thankful and being glad for my sufferings feels like a near impossibility. This is as much for myself as for anyone who may read this.
All of these come from the magnificent blog that I highly recommend to anyone... http://www.girltalkhome.com/ . It's full of encouragement and words of wisdom.

“There is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and feeling happy. The Scripture tells us that we should always rejoice [Phil. 4:4]....To rejoice is a command, yes, but there is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and being happy. You cannot make yourself happy, but you can make yourself rejoice, in the sense that you will always rejoice in the Lord. Happiness is something within ourselves, rejoicing is ‘in the Lord.’ Take the fourth chapter of the Second Epistle to the Corinthians. There you will find that the great Apostle puts it all very plainly and clearly in that series of extraordinary contrasts which he makes: ‘We are troubled on every side (I don’t think he felt very happy at the moment) yet not distressed’, ‘we are perplexed (he wasn’t feeling happy at all at that point) but not in despair’, ‘persecuted but not forsaken’, ‘cast down, but not destroyed’--and so on. In other words the Apostle does not suggest a kind of happy person in a carnal sense, but he was still rejoicing." -Martyn Lloyd Jones

"We can make the right answer sound old hat, but I guarantee this: God will surprise you. He will make you stop. You will struggle. He will bring you up short. You will hurt. He will take his time. You will grow in faith and in love. He will deeply delight you. You will find the process harder than you ever imagined – and better. Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. No matter how many times you’ve heard it, no matter how long you’ve known it, no matter how well you can say it, God’s answer will come to mean something better than you could ever imagine."
-David Powlison from his chapter in "Suffering and the Sovereignty of God"

"Whatever my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken,
My Father’s care circles me there,
He holds me that I shall not fall,
And so to Him I leave it all." -Samuel Rodigast

"It is a consoling thought that Christ is praying for us, even when we are negligent in our prayer life; that He is presenting to the Father those spiritual needs which were not present to our minds and which we often neglect to include in our prayers; and that He prays for our protection against the dangers of which we are not even conscious, and against the enemies which threaten us, though we do not notice it. He is praying that our faith may not cease, and that we may come out victoriously in the end." -Louis Berkhof, Systematic Theology, p.403.

I hope that these have encouraged you in the days that are tough. Just to remember that rejoicing is a choice that doesn't require "happiness". And that through everything we have an advocate who prays on our behalf, things that we would never think of or know to pray, in Christ. What a fantastic source of strength to know we are prayed for by him.

Trust

First I want to put out there that if you have any form of struggles in your life...or problems of any kind...severe or daily annoyances, I want to recommend this book to you.
"Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts" by Jerry Bridges.

For the past two years I feel as though I have been "drifting" as a Christian. I had moments where I was strong and loved the Lord. And especially this year I have fought hard to come out of this season of mediocre-ness. The desire to be closer to God and to be seeking him was there, but I struggled so hard to make it happen. I didn't want to lose my desire for him, and I believe that I was worried I would do so. But God is so great in his grace by putting us through years of struggle, never letting us so far that we lose the hope we have, but just enough to grind out all the qualities in us that should not be there.

For myself I have never really struggled with "trusting" God. Money seems to be the hottest topic here...you always hear people say how they don't trust God with their finances...blah blah blah. I never really struggled with that particular thing and as that was the most severe problem I had ever experienced in my short 24 years, I figured that I just didn't have a problem with trust. Oh the wisdom and grace of God. To know how desperately I needed to learn to truly trust him.

The last few months have been very revealing of how much I don't trust God. If you are like me at all then you know that if you want something you can basically know that God will never give it to you. Because God just doesn't give me "good" things. It's not that he doesn't love me just that's how he deals with me. The root of this problem is several layers thick...but a big part of it is lack of trust. Trust in his word when he says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

I don't want to write a novel here, so to keep things short I will say that I have struggled with trusting God in singleness, trusting God with the salvation of friends that I care deeply for, and for my job. A few weeks ago I even found myself finally admitting it out loud. I was angry with God for not doing things my way. Not honoring all the prayer I had invested in these things. I had begged, pleaded, fasted, and cried and God had ignored me. I didn't trust him. And, because God works in his own way without regard or counsel of another, I was convinced at that moment that I didn't want to trust him. What if he chose not to save my friend...what if he chose to leave me single the rest of my life...etc. I couldn't live with the outcomes.

But, God is so good. Allowing this to come out so that I could see it and not deny it. So that it could be dealt with and that I could be refined. Made more like his son. Again I highly recommend the entirety of the a fore mentioned book, but I want to pull out a few specific sections.
The first was that our tendency during hard things is to live in the world of pity party. We like it there because it's easy. We focus only on what we don't have and where we are not. It's often followed with depression and thoughts that revolve completely around ourselves. It's filled with anxiety about the things that we cannot control and the outcomes we are terrified of.
Jerry Bridges offers this verse from Psalm 42:11
"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God."
He talks about how we CHOOSE to trust or not trust God. That we can choose to trust him. But, what I loved here was this concept...that we are so led by our emotions and how we feel we negate Truth. If we don't feel like trusting God we don't.
"...trusting God is first of all a matter of the will and is not dependent on my feelings. I choose to trust God, and my feelings eventually follow." (Jerry Bridges)
This is so true. And there is so much relief for me in being able to say that I don't feel like trusting you God, BUT I will choose to because your word says that you are trustworthy.

The other lesson I had to learn about trust is...humility. I wouldn't call myself the most gracious person I have ever known. I don't hand out compliments, don't thank people nearly as much as I should or they deserve...and I do it even less with God. Perhaps there is some expectation on my part that I somehow deserve the things I'm given or that I expect God to act like God and be good to me. Regardless my thanksgiving is often much less in the attitude than what it can and should be. God's word says that we should give thanks at ALL times, in EVERY situation. The hardest times to do this is when you don't feel like giving thanks. Jerry Bridges talks about Job in his chapter about giving thanks. Job after he just lost everything important to him...that he had spent his life in dedication to....this is his response.
"He fell to the ground in worship and said: 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." (Job 1:20-21)
There is a concept of complete humility and submission to God in is infinite wisdom and sovereignty in all circumstances.

I have been lacking in this severely. I never understood the balance of praying with a hope that God can and will do what is being asked, but submitting all desires and requests to his ultimate authority and wisdom. "...not my will but your will." Not only this but being thankful to God, not just for answering or not answering prayers or for saving me or saving others or for all the good he does...but just purely for being GOD who is good and holy and righteous and perfect. For working all things for my good and his glory.

A little over two years ago I asked a friend to pray for me to learn humility...I thought I had learned that lesson a few weeks later when I opened my mouth and said something that hurt my best friend pretty badly. But I believe that was only the beginning of my journey of understanding a humility before God. A humility that recognizes that I am not God, I am not righteous or perfect or justified in what I want or desire. Recognizing that because of that I must submit to the one who is.

Unfortunately this won't be the last time I struggle with this...but I leave you with this verse that resonated with me this morning, and brought me to my knees before a loving and sovereign God:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

The Other Testimony...

I guess for this part I should tell you a little about my pre college days. I was extremely tomboyish in my dress and care of looks...but I had a heart that wanted to be noticed and desired like most girls. I received very little attention from boys aside from friendship. I was one of the guys at all times. But having grown up with two sisters I had been schooled on the "disney princess" lifestyle and I knew how it was supposed to go. But for me no "suitors" came knocking at my door. I looked forward to college for this reason. I was excited to enter the "ocean" and leave the "pond". But as God would have it he did not intend for me to take this path.

About 4 months before I graduated a dear friend of mine showed me a verse she had been reading in Proverbs 31. I remember distinctly she said just read this verse... "she brings him good not harm all the days of her life." I said so what. She said read it again...so I did. I was suddenly struck with the words of this sentence. ALL the days of her life. ALL. All...I had never really looked at this sentence before. Not like that anyhow. It struck me that my future spouse, whoever he may be, is currently living and breathing somewhere on this planet. That even apart from him I can do him harm. I can't tell you how this hit me. My first thought was oh geez...what does that mean for me. I wrestled with this for months before I started college. I didn't want to commit to what I believed God was calling me to. I had been looking forward to college for the side purpose of meeting boys I could date. But God would not relent. By the end of that summer I knew God had called me to live in a way that would "bring good not harm" to my future spouse. I decided that I was not going to date. Now at the age of 17 I can't say that I really knew what I was going to do instead...but I had this one thought. I was going to let God introduce me to my husband. Dating is the world's standard for marriage and I determined that I wanted God to arrange it. I wanted the story of how I got married to be a testimony to God. I wanted people to hear the story and say "wow there is no way that was coincidence."

Needless to say after I started college I did get offers. What I had always wanted and now it wasn't what I wanted. I guess I kept thinking that it would still happen in college...cause isn't that where everyone else meets their spouse? I finished school with a Bachelor's in Media Arts and Animation and no MRS Degree. I've been out of school for two years, and yes I am still single (hence the name of this blog ;) ).
I honestly don't know what God has planned for me on this particular subject. And I have no idea why I am writing a blog about it and my journey through it. This is usually something that you see books written about after it's all said and done. I feel extremely inadequate in this. I'm not studied or learned in Biblical Knowledge or Grammar...But here we are.

I just want to encourage all the girls out there who are trying to live lives that are pleasing to the Lord. I know how tough some of those days get. For all the single girls out there who struggle with lonliness...I know, you aren't alone.

So it begins.

The Testimony

Ok so here goes. For this particular post I'm just going to talk about my Salvation Testimony. For anyone who doesn't have a clue as to what I just said...it's basically how I became a follower of Christ.
When I was very young, I watched a play of the life of Christ. It was at my very small church in backwoods North Carolina, so you can imagine how limited this play would have been. No lights or special effects. I don't remember too much about it, but I do remember the part where "Jesus" was walking down one of the aisles about to be crucified. He had all the blood and make up on and to a seven-ish year old it looked real enough. I just remember being struck with a fear of dying. I didn't want to die. I started crying and cried all the way home. My parents sat me down that night and asked me why I was upset and when I told them, they told me that I didn't have to be afraid to die. That because of what Christ did, dying for my sins (all of them...past, present and future) that I could be saved from the fear of death. Without Christ I was destined for an eternity in Hell, but because of Christ I can be accepted into Heaven. I became a believer that night.
I don't have one of those testimonies where I went astray, and got into "bad" things. There really wasn't much to my life. I was a "good" kid. I did what I was told. I went to church every Sunday. I was a good student. Not much of a rebel.
But I believe that the danger of that situation for me was to start thinking that because I was such a "good" kid, I didn't really need saving. I slipped into the involuntary thought that I had somehow earned my salvation by being good. I would never have openly acknowledged this.
I had no understanding of the seriousness of sin. Of how God in all his glorious righteousness sees my sins. It took a long time for me to realize this...I believe it was my second or third year of college that I began to get a glimpse of how disgusting my sin is before a completely pure God. Since coming to this realization I have realized that on my own I had already rejected God. From the beginning I wanted to do evil. BUT (and what a wonderful but this is) God drew me to himself. Took what was inside me and changed me. "For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his son..." (romans 5:10)
What does that mean? It means that while I was spitting in God's face...he chose to make amends with me.
I'm so grateful that my salvation has never been dependent on what I do, or I would have lost it ten billion times over. I'm so grateful that it is only dependent on the blood of Christ that covers me, Christ who stood in my place and took all the wrath of God on himself...the wrath that was meant for me, me and my wretchedness. I heard it put this way once and it was just perfect...When Jesus died he was treated as if he had lived my life, so that when I died I could be treated as if I had lived his.
Because of Him I have life. Life now and life to come. I have no fear of death. What can death do to me? Only speed my arrival home.

"My sin, Oh the bliss of this glorious thought,
My sin not in part but the whole
is nailed to the cross
and I bear it no more!
Praise the LORD!! Praise the LORD, Oh my soul!!"

To begin with...

First you should know I am not a writer or a good blogger-er. My punctuation will almost always be incorrect, or in general, terrible. So please excuse that.
My goal here is to have a journal of my journey as a single woman. I want to share my testimony of what I believe God has called me to (in regard to dating and marriage), and to write about my struggles, desires, and victories through Christ in this time. I know I am not alone in this, and I want to hear and share others' stories as I find them or as you share them with me.
But even more than this I want to keep myself accountable to spending this time focused on becoming more like Christ. Most days I will just be sharing what God is teaching me in scripture. I want to also pass along books and blogs that I find are helpful and encouraging. I hope that this blog will be an encouragement to you, whatever your life situation may be.
In the next day or two I want to write out my testimony, so you can know a little about me.