Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Provisional God

Have you ever wondered about people who have such incredible natural faith in God? Those people that always have a story about how this desperate situation happened and they just believed in God and he fixed it. More than fixed it, they received that and more. Somewhere in my brain I always put those people in the category of "special children of God." The ones who I hope to attain to someday. I never felt that I had those kind of stories. Perhaps you feel the same way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not doing it right...if perhaps I'm not a "strong enough" Christian...or ..."good enough?"

We kinda hate to go there because we know that we can not ever be "good enough." There are no amount of things we can do to gain God's approval...and his blessings aren't dependent on what we do, or on how good we were today. So what is it then that separates us from those other people? How do we start having those stories of his incredible provision?

Since May-ish, I have been going to a Natural Doctor. For those of you who know about these, you will completely understand what I am about to say. But for those of you who don't I'll explain two things. When you first start going the doctor most likely will want to see you once a month for almost a year. To work out all the kinks and get your system running properly and smoothly. The second thing is that most insurances will not cover these types of Doctor you pay out of pocket. I in no way make tons of money or am secretly filthy rich, so I will admit that these visits have been costing me a pretty penny...but during the summer months and early fall these costs have not put me in danger of being broke. However, we all know how those holiday months seems like we turn around and suddenly the only store we can afford to shop at is Dollar General. This is where I find myself currently.

Today I had an appointment with my doctor...I was very concerned about being able to pay for the visit...I did a mad dash to my savings account to escort some money over to checking so that it didn't look so bare. I found myself worrying and fretting over spending the kind of money I knew would be required. I almost came to the decision to call and cancel the appointment...except I still would have been charged the initial cost of a visit for canceling the day of. (That was the only thing stopping me from doing that.) I tried to rack my brain of family members that owed me money so I could desperately ask them the pay up so I could afford my visit. But you know how it is in family...we borrow, they borrow, we borrow some the time it's really all said and done it's mostly unbalanced with myself in debt to every one else.

Somehow through the panic...I remember calming down long enough to just say, "Well God, I'm just going to have to trust you." I continued to get dressed for my appointment. About 15 minutes later my mom walked in (yes I still live with my parents who are so good as to let me stay with them) she looked at me and asked me how much my visit today was going to cost me. After I explained that the price varies from visit to visit...she just said simply, "You can take my card and pay for it out of my personal savings." Out of 7ish visits my mom has never offered to pay for a visit. Mostly because my parents do require I pay for most of my things myself. They allow me house room so I am expected to pay my own bills.

I nearly cried right then. God was so faithful, I didn't even have to ask for help except from him. It's had me thinking all day. I think the reason that so many of us don't have these kind of stories all the time is because we simply don't give God the chance. We have so many methods of fixing these situations ourselves. We are some of the most self-sufficient people in existence. I think instead of attempting to fix situations on our own we just need to give God the chance to show himself to us. It takes us stopping mid thought and saying, "God I just trust you."

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